I will put enmity between you and the woman, between your seed and hers….(Gen.3:15)
(If you have not yet read Part I of this series on my involvement with the occult, you can find it here.)
I don’t blame Anne’s pastor. He seemed as confused as we were over what was happening. We explained to him that the spirits we had been communicating with were deceased relatives, and that they had encouraged us to pray more, and even to go to daily Mass. Then I hit him with the news that they were the reason I had gone to confession to him that day, after so many years away from the Sacraments.
Although I wish he had been more informed about the occult, here we were telling him all of the “good” that had come out of what we had been up to. In the end, he simply told us to continue to look at the fruit. If we saw any bad fruit, that should be a red flag to us to cease these communications.
With the tacit approval of a priest, we were more eager than ever to resume conversing with our “relatives.” The voices had been unusually quiet during my confession and our conversation with Father. The concept of being once again in the state of grace was overwhelming for me. I almost could not believe it. I was eager to hear what my “grandparents,” “great-aunts,” etc., would have to say about all of this.
They did not disappoint. For some reason, we chose to use the ouija board again that night, and my “grandfather” identified himself. Then he told me that he owed his salvation to me. He said that God had decided to save him on his death bed because God knew how obedient I would be about going to confession. He continued to heap tons of praise upon me. This confused and upset me.
The next day, I received more praise to the point where I was grateful to remember a little prayer from my Catholic school days: Jesus meek and humble of heart, make my heart like unto Thine. And, I began to repeat it over and over again. Something just did not seem quite right.
About three days after I had gone to confession, the voices suddenly announced that “god” himself was going to speak directly to me. I was terrified, but they reassured me that “god” was very pleased with me. They told me to be prepared for his coming.
I was literally trembling. I did not want God to speak to me, but what could I do? I knelt down and waited, repeating the Our Father over and over again. When “god” supposedly spoke, he sounded nothing like what I had expected. He seemed harsh, capricious, almost taunting. I was frightened to death. After a couple of days, “he” began to tell me strange things, such as that I would be a great saint, that I would have many children (my husband and I were trying to conceive), and the first would be a boy, etc. I found myself wishing “he” would stay away, and then worrying, because I knew “he” could read my thoughts, since “he” was “god.”
Something else was happening too. I began having more and more voices in my head. It was like a chorus of voices. When I say “voices,” I do not mean audible voices, but rather thoughts spoken by someone else interiorly. But even though not audible, the thought patterns conveyed different personalities.
Anne was not having the experience of “god,” nor was she afflicted with multiple voices all clamoring at the same time. In fact, she and her husband grew concerned for me, because I seemed driven to distraction by all of this noise and confusion. It was difficult to concentrate on my conversations with them. They worried what my husband would think when he returned.
I can only guess, but my theory is that because Anne had been a practicing Catholic when all of this happened, she was not nearly as vulnerable to the evil spirits as I was. I had not been in the state of grace for years, and hence, they considered me their property. Then, however God arranged it, I went to confession that Saturday, and now I had returned to my Father’s house through the Precious Blood of Our and Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and these creatures were utterly furious.
I could sense their anger, although they tried to disguise it.
Sometimes, it would emerge in exclamations of, “We are going to kill you!” But then they would explain that an evil spirit had said that, not them… the “good spirits.”
If this all sounds crazy and unbelievable….even insane, it was! As mentioned before, it seemed surreal….like living on the edge of reality. What are they saying? Who do you believe? Who are they, really? How much power do they have? Is that really “god?”
Except for rote prayers in school, I had avoided God for years, since I was convinced I was already going to hell. I did not know how to react to “him” now, especially since “he” would personally address me.
By the time I left Anne’s house, two weeks after this all began, I had lost eight pounds off of my formerly 108 pound, 5’5″ frame. My jeans were literally falling off of me. I had scarcely been eating or sleeping. I was a wreck.
My husband listened patiently on the drive back from Georgia, where Anne lived, to the small North Carolina town where we were currently living. At the time, my husband was in the Air National Guard, was a graduate student and held a full time job. I don’t think he took what I was saying too seriously, and I know he didn’t have time to focus much attention on it.
I was actually grateful that he didn’t ask questions. Back home again, I concluded that some of the voices were good spirits, and some were bad. Anne agreed.
Meanwhile, in the midst of the madness, my Most Beloved and True God was at work in me, and Our Lady, my Most Blessed Mother took me under her care. Even though the “god” I had been introduced to seemed somewhat cruel, I still remembered much of what I had learned about Jesus Christ in Catholic school.
And, by the way, these evil spirits never once mentioned His Holy Name! Not once! They said “god” only.
(click here for part III)
(1) Satan and his demons often present themselves as “angels of light.” (2Corinthians 11:14) They will not hesitate to suggest that you pray or even go to Mass, if they think they can use these things as a means to accomplish their goal. Like Anne and myself, many Christians will assume that anyone who encourages them to pray or to attend church must be “good.”
Wrong! This is only a ploy to bait the victim and win his/her trust.
(2) They never inspire humility in a soul, rather they work to increase pride. You are special. You are chosen. In my case, I even “saved my grandfather’s soul…” You will do great things, etc.
(3) They are authors of confusion. They often do not make sense, or they say one thing and then later say they were just testing you. Their “voices.” in my experience have no warmth, kindness, etc., but are either flat, cunning, or downright cruel.
(4) They will do anything to keep a soul from God. When a soul slips from their grasp and returns to God, they are furious with rage. They will not give up easily and will pursue the soul as long as God allows this. Although, He Himself always works all to the good of the soul who loves Him and is trying to please Him. He guides and protects the soul who clings to Him.
(5) The evil spirits hate the Holy Name of Jesus, and in my experience, will not pronounce this Saving Name. I have read that they also will not speak Mary’s name.
(6) These devils hate us beyond belief. Their sole ambition is to drag all of us down to hell with them. Opening the door to any contact with them at all is strictly forbidden by the Church, and puts the soul in extreme danger, even to the point of being lost forever.