A King’s Ransom……..

In my thanksgiving after Holy Communion today, I found myself consumed with how completely I am owned by God.

The Price He paid overwhelmed me, as I recalled the Stations of the Cross, His Holy Face pressed into the dust and rock as the Cross fell heavily upon His scourged Body. More blows from the soldiers as He struggled first to His knees, and then to His feet….for me.

Before me was the Crucifix where I could see the nails, the nakedness, the agony, the forsakenness. Heart racing, lungs burning, muscles cramping, Blood spilling, cold sweat….Tears.

Within me, the Sacred Host. Jesus dwelling in nothingness, wretchedness, yet robing me in the Grace He had purchased with so much suffering.

I am motionless. How does one move when they contain within their dust not the universe, but the One Who made the universe? Not a pure and sacred thing, but Holiness Itself? Not a king, but a God Who is King of all kings?

How do I breathe? Why am I not annihilated by such Glory, such Majesty, such burning Purity?

“You are Mine,” Jesus said. “I paid the price. I paid more than the cost. I gave Everything. I gave All. Now no one or nothing else can ever claim you, for I gave my last drop of Blood….for you.

No one can pay more. But you can refuse my Love. You are free to love me…or not.”

I am lost in the Love I cannot comprehend, in what He chose to give in exchange for me — not an ocean of precious jewels or a mountain of gold or even a thousand universes! But His Own Blood, His Own Life is what He chose to give.

I am confused by the extravagance of my worth.

Where do I go?

What do I do?

How can I love enough?

The Host rests within me.

We are one.

And Jesus says:

“Do not fear.

My Love has made you worth

everything to Me.

And I will live in you,

And I will love in you,

And together we will go,

When the time comes…

Always together,

For you are Mine.”

Tuesday Adoration – perfectly timed

Just the other night I was thinking about how life has been pretty much humming along for the past year or so.  A bump or two in the road here and there, but otherwise, pretty peaceful — especially in contrast to the past dozen or so years.

Those were loaded with some heavy-duty crosses, like my husband losing his job -right after we’d built a brand new house, and having to work 5 hours away from home for three years (commuting back and forth on weekends.) 

This happened in the midst of my sister and me moving our parents out of their home of fifty years in New Orleans, to a house in our town so that we could look after them.  We did so for five years, until they both died in 2008, only 13 days apart.

I won’t go into the many other humdinger crosses that fell upon me during those years.  I know everyone has similar stories to tell.

However, as I mentioned above, it has been uncharacteristically serene around here for way longer than usual.

Now, be careful what you think about.  You see, God was listening.  God also knew that I had recently written a post entitled:  Suffering, get it while you can.

He wasn’t about to let me get away with that one.  So this morning I had some news that is really quite devastating.  It is a situation out of my control, and yet I feel the blows keenly. 

I can only watch and pray.  And that is why I was so very grateful that God sent this cross today, when I knew I would have two precious hours in His Presence, followed by Holy Mass and Communion.

Today at least, I have had a wonderful sense of peace, and even joy, in spite of the circumstances.  I don’t know if those gifts will endure or not.  But I feel strong.

A few years ago, I saw a movie about warriors back in ancient times.  It was some obscure movie my husband found.  These men had no fear.  They plunged right into battle without hesitation.

I wondered how they did it, how they managed not to be afraid.  Then it occurred to me that they had gone into battle so many times and survived, that they didn’t think about dying.  They expected each battle to end like the last.  They would be victorious.

The battle-ready warriors taught me something about suffering.  When you have suffered many things, and still came though it all with joy and peace in the end, then you don’t fear the next time as much.  You know Who your Strength is; Who your Rock is; Who comforts you; Who knows your limits; you know the One Whose Love carries you through to the other side –to the green pastures and the still waters.

You learn that you don’t have to be strong, because He is Everything.  And you won’t die, because the only death is to lose HIM.

If anyone wishes to come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow me. Luke 9:23

When I suffer,

it is Jesus going in search  

of His lambs.

Jesus living His life in me again,

desiring such oneness with me that

 He makes my suffering His Own;

and my pain, now nailed to the Cross

with Jesus,  can gather in the lambs.

And the more love it is borne with,

the greater its power – for

GOD IS LOVE!