In my thanksgiving after Holy Communion today, I found myself consumed with how completely I am owned by God.
The Price He paid overwhelmed me, as I recalled the Stations of the Cross, His Holy Face pressed into the dust and rock as the Cross fell heavily upon His scourged Body. More blows from the soldiers as He struggled first to His knees, and then to His feet….for me.
Before me was the Crucifix where I could see the nails, the nakedness, the agony, the forsakenness. Heart racing, lungs burning, muscles cramping, Blood spilling, cold sweat….Tears.
Within me, the Sacred Host. Jesus dwelling in nothingness, wretchedness, yet robing me in the Grace He had purchased with so much suffering.
I am motionless. How does one move when they contain within their dust not the universe, but the One Who made the universe? Not a pure and sacred thing, but Holiness Itself? Not a king, but a God Who is King of all kings?
How do I breathe? Why am I not annihilated by such Glory, such Majesty, such burning Purity?
“You are Mine,” Jesus said. “I paid the price. I paid more than the cost. I gave Everything. I gave All. Now no one or nothing else can ever claim you, for I gave my last drop of Blood….for you.
No one can pay more. But you can refuse my Love. You are free to love me…or not.”
I am lost in the Love I cannot comprehend, in what He chose to give in exchange for me — not an ocean of precious jewels or a mountain of gold or even a thousand universes! But His Own Blood, His Own Life is what He chose to give.
I am confused by the extravagance of my worth.
Where do I go?
What do I do?
How can I love enough?
The Host rests within me.
We are one.
And Jesus says:
“Do not fear.
My Love has made you worth
everything to Me.
And I will live in you,
And I will love in you,
And together we will go,
When the time comes…
Always together,
For you are Mine.”
I Want to See God 