I Want to See God

Birds from Holland - collared turtle doves; Image ONLY

Yesterday morning, I woke up to the sound of joyful voices praising God’s Goodness.  My mp3 player is chock full of Catholic radio podcasts.

Instead of being uplifted, I felt a deep loneliness.  That used to be me, I thought.  I felt broken – sort of like Humpty Dumpty was broken, all shattered.  Only on the inside.

I’ve been feeling like this for years, but it seems to grow worse over time.  I claim to love God deeply.  I believe in His Love for me.  But, I don’t feel a shred of devotion or affection for Him.  Anymore.   Yet, just the thought of Him once took my breath away.

Every Tuesday, I sit before His Eucharistic Presence for two hours struggling to pray.  I am happy to be with Him.  I love the peace.  But I cannot meditate or pray mentally at all.  I try to remember how thoughts of Him once flooded my mind and…

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3 thoughts on “

    • Hi Nancy! Thank you….and so glad you are here. I discovered your beautiful blog through Caroline. I will definitely be visiting regularly. Have been out of town all weekend, and this coming weekend is my annual Carmelite retreat. Yay!

      So, I’m a bit behind in my posting and blog reading, but looking forward to catching up after retreat. Thanks so much for commenting.

      Are your comments disabled? I had tried to leave one, but didn’t see the box.
      Just thought I’d ask……

      God bless,
      Patricia

      • Hello, Patricia! Thank you so much, and thanks for your intention to comment on my blog. Yes, comments are disabled, mainly to keep the focus, well… focused (I get sidetracked easily!), plus I am still learning blogging-ropes.

        And I know how it is when the turtledove no longer sings. A beautiful and poignant way to put it.

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